Where You'll Find Me
by crazydaizy555
Summary: Tris Prior is invisible to most people. And those she isn't invisible to, make her wish she were. Her mother doesn't understand her in any way. She has no friends, except for her lost childhood friend, Tobias, who she hasn't seen or heard from in five years. Every day is worse than the last, and she isn't sure how much longer she can hold on. Will anybody hear her cry for help?
1. Invisibility

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Divergent Trilogy**

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Life... is a strange thing. When you think about it, we are all just living on a planet, waiting to die. We serve no purpose, have no meaning. It doesn't matter if you become a rockstar or the president. You have the same exact fate as that homeless girl on the street. You'll end up dying, one way or another. What is the point in living if in a thousand years, nobody will even know who you were? And when the sun explodes and planet earth ceases to exist? How important will you be then?

The sunlight spilled through my window. I kicked the lime green covers off of my body and padded into my tiny bathroom. I ran a hot shower, cleansing all the sweat from my body. The hot water felt good on my still-healing skin. After a few minutes, I shut the water off and dried myself with a towel. I looked in the mirror and sighed. My blond hair went down to my shoulder blades in a tangled mess, even after being lathered in shampoo. My face was scattered with an array of scars, but there was that long scar that would never go away. The scar that had permanently damaged me.

I walked into my room and got dressed in a black tee, skinny jeans, a black zip-up hoodie and converse. I attempted to brush out my hair, but when I was done, it still looked like a mess. Giving up, I put it in a bun and flipped my hood up over my head. Then I grabbed my new backpack and walked down the hall to the kitchen.

My mother stood next to the stove, cooking pancakes. She was very pretty. She had blond hair like mine, except it was tamed, and her eyes were a pretty blue. She was wearing a white apron and had on a blouse and a pinstriped skirt. She looked up and smiled when she saw me, causing me to flinch slightly.

"Hi sweetheart," she said. She put three pancakes on a plate and placed it on the counter. "Eat up. You don't want to be late for your first day."

I sat on a wooden barstool and stared at my food, finding no appetite. Just to please my mother, I awkwardly ate a few bites and headed for the door as fast as I possibly could.

"Have a good day!" she called, just as the door slammed.

I shoved my hands in my pockets and started walking to my new school: Five Faction High School. It was one of those fancy schools that you have to apply to attend. I only applied in the first place because my mom didn't want me to do my online school anymore and it was only a few blocks away. Every student was placed in a faction based off of their application. If you believed in placing everyone before yourself, you were placed in Abnegation and had to wear gray. If you wanted world peace, you were placed in Amity and had to wear red and yellow. If you were REALLY smart, you were placed in Erudite and had to wear blue. If you believed in justice, you were placed in Candor and had to wear black and white. And if you were severely athletic, or acted high, or _were_ high, you were placed in Dauntless and had to wear black.

Only God knows how I got Dauntless.

I mean, yes, I was pretty athletic, but that was it. I wasn't a risk-taker, or very loud in general, and I tended to let people beat me up, either physically or verbally. There was no way I was cut out for the faction that awaited me.

The large building came into view. I kept my head down, trying to blend in with the crowd. As I walked up the steps, I discreetly observed my surroundings. The Amity were playing a hand game. The Erudite were sitting in the shade, studying. The Candor stood in a tight circle, gossiping. The Abnegation were sitting under a tree in silence. I sat next to the building's front doors and regretfully waited for the bell to ring.

I used to enjoy school. Not because I had a lot of friends and was the school's most popular student. I didn't have many friends and I was practically the school's screwup. But I had one friend, a best friend, named Tobias. We were as thick as thieves. Nothing could separate us.

Until the day he moved away.

We were twelve years old. Tobias's mother had just died giving birth to his stillborn sister, and his father, Marcus, got a new job in Chicago, which required them to move. It was raining, and I was sitting on my front porch with my raincoat and rain boots, watching as the workers filled the moving truck. The furniture was covered with plastic so it didn't get completely ruined. Tobias walked out of his house and towards me.

"Hey," he said.

"Hey," I said.

He rocked back and forth on his feet, his hands shoved in his pockets. "We don't have much time."

I was holding back tears. I couldn't believe my only friend, my best friend, was moving away. We needed each other. We couldn't bear to live on our own.

"Please," I begged him. "Don't go."

He looked down. "I have to," he said.

"I can't live without you," I said. "You're the only one who cares about me."

Tobias dared to look directly into my eyes. He looked at the brink of tears. "I'll come back," he assured me. "I'll find you one day. This isn't the end. I promise."

I jumped up from the steps and pulled him into a tight hug. We stood like that for a few minutes, hugging in the rain, when Tobias's father yelled for him. He had to go.

"Bye Beatrice," he whispered.

"Bye Tobias," I whispered. He pulled away from the embrace first, walked towards his father's car, got in the back, and drove down the road until he was a speck in the landscape without looking back once. I just stood there, in the rain, finally allowing myself to cry.

But, Tobias hadn't kept his promise. Because, there I was, five years later, without him. Every day was worse than the last, and he hadn't had the decency to at least send me a damn card. He broke my heart in a way it could never be fixed.

All of a sudden, I heard a bunch of talking and screaming and laughing, much louder than the current environment. A band of people dressed in black walked down the path and sat on the steps in front of me, oblivious of my presence. Like they are every day.

"I'll give you twenty bucks if you do it," a boy with dark hair and tan skin said to a boy who looked exactly like him.

"Do it! Do it!" a girl with wavy brown hair chanted. She was sitting in the lap of a boy with blond hair who started laughing at her enthusiasm.

"Uriah Pedrad, you will not be doing such things," a girl with strawberry blond hair said, shaking her pointer finger at him.

"You should know me by now, Marlene," the boy addressed as 'Uriah' said. "I won't back down from a challenge, no matter how suicidal it may be."

"Okay, okay, let's take a vote," the girl with wavy hair said. "All in favor of Uriah going through with the dare, raise your hand."

Everyone raised their hand except for the boy with blond hair, 'Marlene', and a tall boy with dark hair and dark blue eyes.

"What? Will!" the girl with wavy hair said accusingly.

"What?" the boy with blond hair asked. "As funny as it would be, I don't want Uriah to die."

"Thank you," Marlene said. "I can't believe all of you. Especially you, Zeke."

The boy who looked like Uriah raised his hands defensively. "Just because we're related doesn't mean I love him." Uriah slapped him.

"Ouch," a girl with shaved brown hair said. The girl sitting next to her with blond hair laughed at this.

"What do you think, Four?" Marlene said, turning to the boy with dark blue eyes who had his arms crossed across his chest. "_You_ didn't raise your hand."

Four didn't say anything at first. Everyone stared at him, awaiting his answer. Finally, he replied, "Honestly, I want to see him try." Zeke laughed and gave him a thumbs up. Marlene glared at him.

Uriah jumped up and fist pumped the air. "MAJORITY RULES SUCKERS!"

Before anyone could say anything else, Uriah crept along the path to the group of studying Erudite. All of them were too involved in their books to notice him. He walked up to one of the boys, pulled his blue shirt up over his head and started whacking him with it. The group in front of me burst out laughing except for Marlene who looked horrified and Four who had a ghost of a smile on his face.

Then Uriah threw the boy's shirt up into the tree where he couldn't retrieve it and sprinted back over to the stairs. The girl with wavy hair fell out of Will's lap, dying with laughter. I had to admit; it _was_ pretty funny. Especially the shocked/confused/horrified/hurt/angry look on the half-naked boy's face.

"Dude," he said to Zeke in between pants. "You owe me twenty bucks." Zeke rummaged through his pocket, retrieved a crumpled up twenty dollar bill and handed it to Uriah with a look of approval.

The bell rang. I stood up, grabbed my bag and stood by the door so the people on the steps could walk in first. None of them spared me a single glance. It didn't matter to me. I just wanted to stay hidden. Because when I stayed hidden, nobody saw me. And when nobody saw me, nobody cared. And when nobody cared, I could live my life the way I was supposed to, the way I wanted to be.

On my own.


	2. To Want To Cry

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Divergent Trilogy**

* * *

My first period was Biology with Mr. Kang. Because it was my first day, I got lost, and by the time the tardy bell rang, I knew I was doomed.

Finally, after fifteen minutes of hopeless searching, I found my Biology classroom. For a moment, I just stood there, uncertain of what I was about to face. It scared me, to walk into the unknown without some sort of idea of what I was walking into. I mentally gave myself a tiny push and I opened the door.

"Can anyone-" the man at the front of the room started. He was wearing a black and white suit and had black hair. He stopped talking as soon as he saw me. "Ah, you must be the new student. What's you're name?"

"Tris," I answered quietly.

"All right, Tris. You can sit in the back right next to Christina," he said, pointing to a girl in the very back. I recognized her as the girl with brown wavy hair from this morning. "We're about to watch a film, so get settled and wait for the bell to ring."

I nodded and shuffled to the back of the room. As I passed them, people gave me strange looks and started whispering to each other. Sighing, I sat down in my new seat and dropped my bag next to me. The lights turned off and the film began. The Christina girl didn't address me, but I felt her staring at me.

Finally, she hissed, "What happened to your face?"

_Gee. What a thoughtful greeting._

I didn't say anything. I just looked down and started playing with a loose thread on my sleeve.

"Well?" she snapped. The girls in front of us started giggling.

I pulled the loose thread off my sweater and let it go, studying as it fluttered lazily to the linoleum floor.

Christina rolled her eyes and turned to the front, muttering something about a freak.

I didn't pay attention to the film. I didn't pay attention to Christina. I just stared very hard at my desk, trying to push the tears into the back of my eye. She didn't understand. No one understood.

When the bell rang, I shot up out of my seat and hurried out the door. My next class was Mathematics with Mrs. Matthews. I found her door on the second floor and I found an empty seat just as the bell rang. No one was sitting next to me, so I put my bag down on the extra seat.

Mrs. Matthews had blond hair cut to her shoulders and wire-framed glasses. She was wearing a pressed navy blue suit with black heels that clicked venomously as she walked into the classroom.

"Open up your workbooks to page fifty-three and do problems one through thirty. Whatever isn't finished in the period is homework," she said. As the people around me pulled out their workbooks, I noticed that I didn't have one. Realizing this, Mrs. Matthews walked over to my desk and dropped a seven-hundred page workbook on my desk. I groaned inwardly. "Seeing as you're new, if you have any questions, ask your- wait, where's your partner?"

As if on cue, the classroom door burst open and a boy with dark hair and tan skin tumbled into the room, hugging a large jar of glue and laughing his butt off.

"Uriah," Mrs. Matthews started, pinching the bridge of her nose, "would you care to explain why you are late to class?" The word 'again' hung in the air, unspoken.

Uriah straightened up and placed the large jar on his hip. "Well, you see, the word on the street is that we were having 'Tuna Surprise' sandwiches for lunch. And, seeing what horrid atrocities they are, I made a last minute tweak to the menu for the good of our school and mankind."

Mrs. Matthews made a face that was a mixture of annoyance, anger and fatigue. "And what kind of 'tweak' might that be?"

"Instead of tuna, lettuce and mayo, we will be having burnt chicken, seaweed and glue. You won't be able to tell the difference; they both taste and look horrendous and don't sit well at all."

Mrs. Matthews looked absolutely furious while part of the class was trying to hold back their laughter.

_Well, I guess it's a good thing I'm not eating lunch today. Or any other day._

"Uriah, you have detention tomorrow. Now go take a seat." Uriah hung his head in defeat and started walking towards the seat next to me. As he passed Mrs. Matthews, she snatched the jar of glue from his grasp and tossed it in the trash. I moved my bag to the floor so he could sit, and as I tried to ignore him so I could focus on my work, I realized I had no idea how to solve any of the problems in the book. I didn't want to ask for help, but I didn't want to fail, so I reluctantly poked Uriah in the shoulder with the butt of my pencil.

He looked up at me. "Do you need help?" he asked.

I nodded.

"Which question?"

I gestured to the entire page.

He laughed quietly. "All right then."

For the remainder of the period, Uriah taught me all the concepts of Grade Twelve Algebra, and by the time we were done, I had finished all of the work. I had to admit; for a Dauntless, Uriah seemed pretty Erudite.

"Thanks," I said when there were two minutes before the bell.

"No prob," he said, standing. "I'm Uriah, incase you haven't already known."

"Tris," I replied.

"If you want to, you can sit with my friends and I at lunch," he said.

"Oh, uh..." I didn't want to be rude, but I _really_ didn't want to sit with him and his friends. Or any living human, for that matter.

"C'mon, you don't seem _that_ bad," he said. "And I'll lend you half my peanut butter and jelly sandwich so you don't get food poisoning. Or death."

I shifted my feet. "Sorry, but... no thanks."

"Oh," he said, his face falling a bit. "That's cool. If you ever need a place to sit, though just come to us. I'll see you around, Tris."

I gave a small wave before heading out of the room. I quickly looked at my schedule before realizing that I had lunch fourth period, which meant right now.

_Good_, I thought. _I could use a break. _

I headed towards my locker to put all my books away and grabbed my new iPod and old, battered copy of _To Kill A Mockingbird_. I had reread this book, and several other of my favorites, millions and millions of times, and never got tired of them. Whenever I was alone, I enveloped myself in a book and disappeared from reality. And just for a moment, I was in a state of tranquility. That was the state I wanted to be in at that moment.

I slammed my locker door shut and headed towards the cafeteria. The room was bustling with activity. There were five sections: near the doors sat the Amity, by the kitchen sat the Candor, next to the garbage cans were the Abnegation, near the brick wall were the Erudite, and by the brightened windows were the Dauntless. I caught sight of Uriah's table and saw him and his friends laughing at the Amity girl who was vomiting her 'Tuna Surprise' into the garbage can. I couldn't help but feel bad for her. I knew Uriah meant to change the lunch as a joke, but... sometimes, even jokes can go too far.

As I passed Uriah's table, I heard them all quiet down. I bent my head down so I didn't accidentally look one of them in the eye.

"See her?" I heard Christina whisper. "That's the creep I was talking about."

The girl with the shaved hair scoffed. "Some Dauntless."

"What's _her_ problem?" the girl with the blond hair whispered. "Did she get run over by a steam roller or something?"

I'd heard enough. I sprinted past the table and towards the door. _I need my space._

Suddenly, as if in slow motion, I crashed into something large and hard and toppled to the ground.

"Watch where you're going!" someone screamed. I looked up to see Four and Zeke standing in front of me, Four with startled look on his face and Zeke with an annoyed one. The caferteria fell to a hush.

"Well?" Zeke snapped. "Are you just gonna sit there or are you gonna say something?"

"I-I..." I gulped, begging my tears to stay in my eye. "Sorry."

"Like hell you are," he spat. "I'll let you go this time. But next time, there'll be one less atrocious being roaming this planet."

He stepped around me, and Four gave me an expressionless, cold stare before following Zeke back to their table where most of their friends looked like they were going to explode with laughter at any second. Uriah stared at me with regret for a second before turning back to his friends. Taking a deep breath, I scrambled to my feet and ran towards the bathrooms. The entire cafeteria erupted with laughter as I pushed the doors open and ran down the hall, crying the entire way.

By the time I found the bathroom, I was sobbing uncontrollably. I was sobbing for myself. My useless, freakish, weak, selfish self that no one loved enough to come back for.

No one.


	3. Those We Miss

**AN: I won't be making these very often, but I just wanted to thank everyone for the support :) And you'll find out about Tris's scars and her life besides Tobias somewhere in the _very_ far future (sorry for the wait). The next chapter may take a while; I'm starting school Tuesday. But I'll post it ASAP.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Divergent Trilogy.**

* * *

After lunch, I had History with Mrs. Johnson. Luckily, her door was relatively close to the bathrooms, so I didn't need to scout the entire school for her room. I walked in and saw that I was one of the first people to arrive. I took one of the available seats in the back and sat down, letting out a shaky breath I didn't know I was holding.

Once it started getting closer to the bell, more and more kids started to pile into the classroom. The girl with blond hair walked into the room and her eyes immediately fell on me. Her gaze was so cold it made me want to shiver. She walked over to where I sat, slammed her hands down on the desk and leaned in so close, I could feel her sticky breath. My heart slammed in my chest.

"You're sitting in my seat," she seethed.

I gulped. "Sorry," I whispered. I grabbed my bag and stood up, trying not to look her in the eye. But as soon as I stood up, she pushed me into the isle and I fell on my head. My bag flew open, spewing my books everywhere. Everyone laughed. She smiled triumphantly.

"Everyone settle down," Mrs. Johnson said, walking into the room. She was wearing a white blouse and a blue pinstriped skirt. Her brown hair was put up in a neat bun and she was carrying a folder. Her eyes fell onto me. "Oh my, are you all right?"

I just nodded, even though I wasn't in the slightest.

"Well, pick up your things and quickly find a seat," she said somewhat rudely. "We have work to do."

I sighed inwardly and gathered all of my things before sitting in the only free seat I could find: next to a girl with shaved brown hair. I recognized her from earlier. She caught me staring at her and gave me a sideways glance before turning back to the front. I pulled out a pen and my notebook and started to jot down the notes on the board, attempting to pull myself away from the deep, dark abyss that threatened to swallow me whole.

The next class I had was English with Mr. Amar. When I walked into the room, I sat in the seat as far back as I possibly could, took out my notebook and started to doodle. Someone sat in the seat next to me, but I didn't bother to look up and see who.

Mr. Amar walked into the room. He was tall, had dark hair and was wearing black jeans with a black hoodie. In his hands were a gigantic stack of papers that land on his desk with a thump. He took half the pile and started to hand out the packets.

"Today, we are going to be starting _Hamlet,_" Mr. Amar began. "This is the vocabulary packet for words that you may not understand. You must finish the book by the end of the week. Then, next week, you'll write an essay with the person sitting next to you about one of the characters. This project is worth a quarter of your grade, so I expect you to use effort. You can begin."

I'd already read _Hamlet_ at least thirty times, so I knew that I would have no trouble finishing it. The only problem might be the essay part. I took a sideways glance at the person sitting next to me-

And saw that my partner was Four.

Feeling my gaze, Four looked up from his packet and glanced at me. His gaze was as cold and emotionless as it was at lunch. I quickly adverted my gaze to my own copy, but I didn't really read. Four's eyes lingered on me for a moment before tearing away and going back to studying. I wondered what horrible things he was thinking about me, and how much they might've hurt if he said them to me in person.

I got about a quarter of the way into _Hamlet_ when the bell rang for my last period: Study Hall. My heart was pounding with excitement as I shot up from my chair, grabbed my homework from my locker and headed to the cafeteria. I set myself up at a table near the back, isolating myself from everyone. I took out my History homework and attempted to tackle it. By the time the bell rang, I had completed a fair chunk of my homework. I put all my books away, walked out of the cafeteria and headed towards the front doors.

When I got outside, I started pushing people aside to get through the large crowd. After what seemed like an eternity, I finally made it off the campus.

I was free.

Or so I thought.

I was walking along the sidewalk when a white BMW pulled up right next to me. The driver's window rolled down, and when I saw who it was, a small part of me died.

Christina sat at the wheel, with all her friends in the passenger seats. There was a smug look on her face. Everyone else looked like they were trying not to laugh.

"Hey, Tris," Christina said in a loud whisper, removing her sunglasses. "I have a secret to tell you."

I stared at her blankly.

"Come 'ere," she said, motioning for me to go closer. Reluctantly, I obliged. She leaned in to whisper something in my ear-

"Kill yourself," she said, loud enough for everyone in the car to hear. They all burst out laughing as if it were the joke of the century. Then Christina floored the gas and sped off down the road.

For a while, I just stood there, trying to calm myself down. I wiped my eye, but there weren't any tears. Sighing, I started to shuffle down the sidewalk again. When I saw my house, I ran up the path and through the door. My mom was sitting on the couch, reading a book. She quickly looked up as soon as the door shut and her eyes widened when she saw me. The look on her face went from surprised to upset.

"Oh, Beatrice…" she said, standing. She walked over to me with her arms outstretched, as if she wanted to give me a hug.

"Don't touch me," I said like a frightened child. She dropped her arms and took a step back, hurt registering over her face. I looked down, shrugged past her and headed towards my room.

I peeled off my clothes and turned the shower up as hot as it could go. I stepped in and let the water burn my skin. Then I grabbed my razor and watched the blood flow from my wrists, as I had several times before. I used to cry, but I didn't anymore. It used to hurt, but now it was just a dull sting. A dull sting that reminded me what a screwup I was.

When I was finished, I cleaned my razor with the water and waited for all the blood to wash off before turning off the water and stepping out. I dried myself off and put on flannel pajama pants with a clean white tee. I put my hair in a loose braid and pulled my bag up onto my bed to finish my homework.

By the time it was six o'clock, I had finished both my History and Biology homework and had finished rereading _Hamlet_. There was nothing else for me to do except read. I looked over at my bookshelf, wondering what I should read next, when my eyes fell on my unused phone sitting atop it. I was suddenly extremely tempted to call him, but I couldn't. I would just miss him more than I was already missing him, and I didn't want to hurt any more than the profuse amount I already was.

Sighing, I grabbed my copy of _A Tree Grows In Brooklyn_, laid down on my bed and began to read. And for a moment, I was okay.

But it was just for a moment.

There was a small knock on my door and my mother walked into the room. I was halfway through the book, and I just ignored her.

"It's time for dinner," she said quietly.

I didn't look up.

She sighed. "Beatrice..."

I turned the page.

"Beatrice, get up," she said tiredly. "Come along. You need to eat something. You haven't eaten dinner in four days."

"It's Tris," I snapped. "And I'm not hungry."

"You're never hungry," my mother protested.

"Exactly," I said. "Give my food to the homeless or something and leave me be."

She walked over to the edge of my bed, sat down and gently pulled the book from my grasp. "Hey!"

"Listen to me Beatrice," she said softly. "I know that we aren't on the best terms right now, but if you can't eat your dinner for me, eat it for yourself. Eat for Ca-"

"Don't say his name," I pleaded desperately, squeezing my eyes shut tightly. My mother shut her mouth. "Fine, yes, I'll eat. Just leave me alone."

She smiled. "Good."

We walked into the kitchen where a plate of salad sat. I sat down and ate about a third of it when I asked my mother if I could be excused. She sighed and let me go, giving up on trying to get me to eat an entire meal for once. I rushed back to my room, crawled into bed and stared up at the ceiling in an eerie sort of calm, wondering how long it would take for someone, anyone, to realize that I had feelings too.


	4. Never Before

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Divergent Trilogy.**

* * *

The next morning, I woke up shaking.

I shot up in bed and rubbed my hands over my face, attempting to ease my vicious migraine, but no relief came. Sighing, I kicked the covers off and padded into my bathroom.

I took a long shower, being careful not to get too much soap on my still-healing wrists. When I finished, I shut off the tap, dried off and padded over to my closet. I pulled out a black sweater, black leggings, furry black boots and a black beanie. I put my hair into a ponytail over my shoulder, grabbed my bag and walked into the kitchen. My mom stood by the stove, cooking something that smelled like eggs and bacon.

"Hi honey," she said as she placed some food on a plate and shoved it in front of me. "Eat. No excuses."

Wordlessly, I shoved half of the scrambled eggs in my mouth, grabbed a piece of bacon and rushed out the door, slamming it shut behind me. The sky looked gray and the air was cool, as if it were going to rain.

When I got to the school, I sat right next to the front door like I did the day before. I hugged my knees to my chest, rested my chin on top of my knees and closed my eyes, trying to forget the events of the nightmare I had last night. It was scary how much a stupid nightmare could shake me up.

Then I heard the whoops and shouts fill the schoolyard, and I sighed. I closed my eye tightly and wished that I could be anywhere else but right here, right now.

"Tris."

My eyes flew open and I looked up to see Uriah standing there, rubbing his arm awkwardly. I looked past him and saw that none of his friends were paying attention to us. "Hey."

I stood up and started walking away from him.

"Wait!" he cried, running after me. He gripped my wrist and I hissed in pain before snatching it back and hugging it to my body.

I spun around to face him, suddenly very angry. "What?!"

His face softened. "I just... I'm sorry about yesterday, okay?"

"Why do you even care?" I snapped. "Is this some other dare your friends put you up to?"

"No," he insisted, getting frustrated. "I just wanted to apologize because my friends can be real assholes sometimes."

_Really? I haven't noticed._

"You just sat there," I whispered. I didn't even have to specify. Uriah looked down, guilty. "I know you want to be nice, but please leave me alone." And with that, I shrugged past him and walked into the building.

* * *

Christina didn't look at me all of first period. Not in the eye, at least. When she thought I wasn't looking, she glanced at me out of the corner of her eye with a smug look on her face. She must've been thinking about the stunt she pulled yesterday, and how she was 'so much better than me'.

In Math, Uriah kept trying to talk to me when Mrs. Matthews wasn't looking, but I ignored him. He eventually gave up, but I couldn't help but wonder why he was so persistent in trying to talk to me. At first, I thought it was just a facade, but he really did seem sincere. But I gave him the cold shoulder, despite his attempts. I didn't trust him. And anyways, I didn't want any friends. Friends lead to trouble, which leads to pain, which leads to razor blades...

During lunch, I went outside, sat next to the front doors and read for the entire period. Fortunately for me, I didn't run into any of the Dauntless gang, which gave me forty valuable minutes to stay relaxed. But soon, the period was over and it was off to History, which started off by going smoothly. Of course, people were snickering at me behind my back, but it was all right. My partner didn't bother me, which I appreciated the most the most. I'm sure she was just ignoring me because she wanted nothing to do with me, but it was better than trying to verbally kill me.

But then, something hard and small hit the side of my head and landed on my desk. Startled, I looked around to see most of the class staring at me. I looked at my desk and saw that it was a crumpled up piece of paper. Slowly, I picked it up, un-crumpled it and stared at the two, bold, black, sloppy words that told me to do severely innappropriate things to myself.

"Ms. Prior," Mrs. Johnson said to me. "I don't know what rules your school had, but our school has a 'no note-passing in class' rule that is _very_ strongly enforced."

"I-" I started.

"The consequences for passing notes in class are to read the note aloud or to accept a detention. Your decision," she said, not letting me testify for myself. Detention was out of the question, which left me to read aloud the two words that I've been told many times before, but hurt more every time they were said.

My hands were shaking as I picked up the wrinkled note, took a deep breath and said the two words so softly that I was positive nobody could hear me. But they all did. Including Mrs. Johnson.

The class burst into a fit of laughter and Mrs. Johnson just stood there for a moment, dumbfounded, before snatching the note from my hand and throwing it in the trash bin. Then she told the class to settle down and started talking about some war or whatever. I wasn't paying attention. All I could think about was how she automatically assumed I was doing something wrong, and how she didn't let me speak for myself, and how she made me humiliate myself when I did nothing wrong, and how she didn't even apologize, and how she didn't even ask the class who wrote the note, and how the tears started to fall down my face and how everybody pretended I wasn't even there.

* * *

At the end of the day, I was tired and drained of all emotions and just wanted to go home and die in a hole. I went to my locker, gathered my books as fast as possible and slammed my locker door shut. I was about to shoot out of the room when I heard, "Wait!"

Sighing, I turned around to face whoever was calling me. A woman dressed in a black tank top and skinny jeans with dark hair ran up to me, clutching a folder of papers. "Beatrice, right?"

"Tris," I corrected. "Please."

"As I'm aware, you are in the Dauntless faction. Yes?" she asked.

I nodded.

"Great," she said. "I'm Coach Wu, but my students call me Tori. I coach the track team. If you're interested in participating, there'll be tryouts this Friday after school."

"Uh..." I said, unsure of what to say. I didn't want to have to stay at that school anymore than I was already forced to. But, I supposed that staying there for an extra few hours was better than being under my mother's watch like a hawk's prey. Besides, running helped me release my anger and frustration in more ways than crying and razors ever could. "Okay."

"Great," she said, handing me a packet of scheduales and rules. "See you on Friday."

* * *

My mother was washing the few dishes from our dinner. It had finally started to rain a few minutes after I came home, so I didn't completely get soaked. I clutched the papers under the table that she had to sign for me to take the track tryouts. I didn't know what her reaction would be. Happy, angry, proud, upset, worrisome, hurt. I was walking into the unknown.

"Mom?" I asked, my voice cracking unexpectedly in the middle. She looked over her shoulder at me.

"Is something wrong?" she asked, shutting off the water and drying her hands on a green towel.

I bit my lip as I lifted the papers from under the table and placed them on the tabletop. I pushed it towards the other end of the table where my mom stood. She gave me a puzzled glance before picking up the papers and flipping through them. I couldn't read her expression.

"Tris..." she said. That was the first time she ever called me that.

I coughed. "Hm?"

She looked up at me. "You- You're trying out for the track team?"

_It's not like I have anything better to do,_ I wanted to say. But I didn't. I just nodded.

My mom let out a small laugh of happy disbelief, then looked back at the papers, then at me, then at the papers. Then she looked like she wanted to cry. "Are you sure?"

_No, not really. _"Yeah."

She sniffed and used her thumb to wipe the corner of her eye. "If this is what you want, I'll support you."

"I want this," I said, and as I said it, I realized that it was true. I may not have been completely thrilled by the idea, but I hadn't been able to run for a long, long time.

My mother wrote her signature on the bottom of the page and handed it to me. As I thanked her and turned to walk out of the room, she enveloped me in a big hug and whispered in my ear, "I'm so proud of you."

She never said those words to me before then.


	5. As Fast As You Can

**Disclaimer: I do not own The Divergent trilogy**

* * *

On Friday, the school day went by unusually fast. Maybe it was because I had already gotten used to things, or maybe it was because there were the track tryouts after school that I was sort of/not really okay about. But by the end of the day, when I realized I was shaking as I walked to my locker, I realized it was definitely the latter. I gathered my books as slowly as possible, gently placed them in my bag, fixed the bag on my shoulder, and walked step by tiny step through the already abandoned hallways to the back doors.

When I eventually got outside, I saw the huge, brand-new looking track. There was a tamed field in the center with soccer and football goals at either end with a sand pit and hurtles. There were two sets of bleachers off to the side; one was filled with a group of students in black school jerseys and shorts.

"Tris!"

I saw Tori standing by the bleachers with a clipboard in her hand, waving me over to her. Sighing, I readjusted my bag and trudged over to her, keeping my head down.

When I reached her, she smiled at me. "I'm so glad you came. I was starting to think you wouldn't come."

_I was about to._

"All you have to do is run a mile around the track. If you make it under eight minutes, you're in." She gave me a pat on the back. "Put your stuff down and go to the starting line. Good luck."

I thanked Tori and started walking towards the bleachers. As I got closer, I recognized the faces of Christina, Uriah, and all their friends. Even though I expected such, my stomach couldn't help but twist into an insufferable tangle of knots. I consciously shrugged my bag off my shoulder and placed it on the first row of the bleachers. Christina looked at me and muttered, "Oh, crap," loud enough for me to hear. Her friends tried to contain their laughter while Uriah gave me a half apologetic, half encouraging smile. Then there was Four, who wasn't smiling at me; he never smiled at anyone, as far as I knew. But he just stared at me with his big, stony dark blue eyes that were so cold and intense they made me shiver.

I tore my eyes away from his gaze and walked towards the starting line of the track, trying not to blush. He was so mysterious, but there was something similar about him I couldn't place my finger on...

I walked through the tiny gate and onto the track. I never ran on a track like this. Actually, I had never run on an _actual_ track before today, so I was in for a (hopefully) fun experience.

"Stay in your lane, do your best, and don't hurt yourself," Tori said, grabbing her whistle in her hand. "Run on the whistle."

I shifted my feet.

"Five..."

Christina and her friends started giggling and pointing at me.

_They don't__ know me._

"Four..."

I clenched my hands into tight fists.

_Don't let them get to you._

"Three..."

My hands started to sweat.

_Stay calm._

"Two..."

I stared at the track in front of me with such intent that my eyesight was replaced with a blurry blob of red.

_Focus._

"One..."

_I am ready._

Tori blew the whistle and I took off down the track.

_Run. As fast as you can._

The first lap I finished in approximately one and a half minutes, which was better than I thought I would do. The next lap took me a little bit longer, and the third a little longer than that. By the time I was on my fourth lap, it took me all of my strength and energy to run around the track. My limbs were shaking, my head was pounding with pain and my body felt like it was getting rained on by fire and ice at the same time. I got faster and faster and faster until I was only five meters from the finish line, then four, then three, then two, then one...

Tori blew her whistle and I heard people clapping and cheering. "Six minutes and three seconds! That's the second best time in the school records!"

I plopped down on the track, laid down and closed my eyes, trying lower my blood pressure. I was more out-of-shape than I thought I was originally. It wasn't because I was fat, but because I was underweight. I needed to eat more, but my stomach had been trained at a very young age to go _days_ without eating. And my body couldn't run that far without something to run on.

"Hey," I heard somebody say in front of me. I looked up from my spot on the ground and saw Marlene standing in front of me, a small bundle of clothes in her hand, a kind smile on her face. She held out a hand for me and helped me up from my place on the ground. "Wow. Second best. Who would've thought."

"Who's first best?" I asked, curious.

She cocked her head towards the bleachers. "Four. He got four minutes and eight seconds."

My eyes bugged out a little. "_Four_ minutes?" My eyes immediately fell on Four, who looked like he was only half paying attention to what his friends were discussing,

"_And_ eight seconds. Everyone forgets that, but they still call him Four," Marlene said with fake bitter, shaking her head in disappointment. "Anyway," she continued, holding out the small bundle of clothing that consisted of what was most likely my track uniform. "Welcome to the team."

I gently took the clothes from her and smiled back. "Thank you."

Marlene grinned. But her eyes lost their happy shine and filled with an emotion that I couldn't read. But I thought they looked... _sad_...

"No problem Tris," she whispered. "No problem at all."

* * *

After Tori assigned me a gym locker and gave me a list of rules, I grabbed my bag and headed towards the school exit, eager to finally get out of that building and have time to myself...

"Hey! Wait!"

I looked over my shoulder and saw Four hurrying to catch up with me, which caught me by surprise. He was the very last person I expected to want to talk to me.

When he reached me, he immediately handed me a small slip of paper with address on it. "This is where I live," he said.

_What?_

Four saw my confusion and rolled his eyes. "We need to start working on the English project this weekend."

I blushed._ Oh. Yeah. Right._

"When?" I asked in a small voice.

"Uh... How about tomorrow around noon?" he suggested.

"Okay," I said. It wasn't like I had any plans. And we had to finish the project _somehow_.

Four's jaw twitched. "Great. See you." He lightly brushed past me, walked through the double doors and out of the building. No congratulations, no apologies, just a short and not-so-sweet 'see you'. But it was much better than I expected, and I expected nothing. And I would grasp any bit of gratitude I could get, no matter how meaninglessly it was delivered.

"See you," I whispered back, but by then he was climbing onto a motorcycle and speeding off down the road, until he was just a speck in the landscape.


	6. Anywhere But Here

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Divergent Trilogy.**

* * *

I knocked on the door.

My hands were sweaty and shaky and my insides felt like they were tied into an intricate spiderweb of knots. I tapped my foot and kept fidgeting with my hands until I heard voices yelling from the inside.

"Marlene! Answer the door!"

I checked the tiny slip of paper to make sure I was at the right address. I was.

"_You_ get it!"

"But _you're_ closer!"

"GET OFF YOUR LAZY ASS AND ANSWER THE DOOR!"

"_BUT YOU'RE CLOSER!_"

"BOTH OF YOU, SHUT UP!"

"Fine! Why don't _YOU_ get it?!""

There was a loud groan, then a stomp, and then there was the sound of approaching footsteps. The front door swung open and before me stood the girl with the shaved hair. Shock and confusion crossed her face for a brief second before it turned cold.

"Are you lost or something?"

I tried to speak, but my mouth was dried of all possible responses, so I just just stood there, gaping like an idiot.

"LYNN, WHO'S AT THE DOOR?!" someone from inside the house called.

She didn't respond. All she did was stare at me, her eyes squinted slightly. In confusion or anger, I don't know.

"Damn it Lynn-" Uriah appeared next to Lynn. His eyes fell on me and his expression turned shocked. "Oh. Hey."

I was able to gain control of my body again, but I still couldn't think of something to say that wouldn't sound weird and sadistic. After all, asking to see Four alone was a whole different kind of creepy.

But before things could go from really awkward to severly awkward, Four not-so-gently pushed Uriah aside. "Don't just stand there. Come in."

Tentatively, I slid past Lynn and Uriah and walked into the house. It look like an average house from the outside, but on the inside, it was like a mansion. There was a large living room with hardwood floors, set with three comfy chairs, two couches, a large flatscreen television and a bookcase. In the middle of the high ceiling dangled a medium chandelier, crystal prisms absorbing the light.

"Wow," I whispered. Four didn't respond, he just started walking up the stairs. I quickly followed behind.

I followed Four down the long hallway of doors and stopped at the one all the way on the end. He opened the door and stepped aside, allowing me to enter.

When I stepped inside, I realized that it must've been Four's bedroom. There was a bed with navy blue, neatly tucked in sheets, a television mounted on the wall in front of the bed, a spinning chair in front of a desk with a computer, and a cozy chair in between a window and a bookshelf. It was small, but... satisfying, in a way.

"Sit anywhere," he muttered. "I only have a few hours to do this, so we should get started."

Code for: It's only a matter of time until my friends and I kick your sorry ass onto the curb and burn everything you touched.

I cautiously placed my bag on the floor and sat at the foot of his bed, trying to awkwardly make myself comfortable under his gaze. Eventually, he turned around in his chair and typed a few things into his computer before turning back to face me. "Which character do you want to write about?"

I felt my face heat up against my will. I didn't expect him to consult _me_ in the decision. But, like I said. I didn't know him. Everyone is unpredictable.

"Uh..." I said. I knew what character I wanted to do, but I didn't want to be pushy. "Anyone's fine."

Four's eyebrows scrunched up a little before he rolled his eyes. "Look, I could care less. We can do whatever character you want. I'm not one to judge."

I bit my lip and stayed quiet for a minute. Then I offered, "Ophelia...?" as if it were a question.

"Sure," Four said in an unfazed tone, turning back to the computer and typing something. He turned back to me. "What about her?"

I started fiddling with a curly lock of hair that fell from my ponytail and shrugged, not meeting eye contact with him. "I don't know," I lied.

"You must think something," Four countered, spinning a pen around in his hand. "What is something about her that intrigues you?"

The tip of my pointer finger gently spun the lock of hair in a small circular motion. "I..." I stopped playing with my hair and looked to the side.

_I understand her,_ I thought.

_I know what it's like to trust somebody, to love somebody, and have them ruin you in a way that you can't repair. I know what it's like to feel so confused and afraid and be in the midst of a disaster and suddenly be blown over by a force that you weren't expecting. I know what it's like to have everything taken away from you and to feel so alone. I know what it's like to have your heart and your brain so broken that you're terrified to feel anything. I know what it's like to cry so hard that you feel like you are going to die. I know what it's like to be so grief stricken that you're driven mad, and you can't comprehend anything around you expect your pain and to want to end it all because there is nowhere else to go-_

My throat made a choking noise and I slapped my hands over my mouth and nose, trying to stop myself from crying. I suddenly remembered that Four was sitting a few feet away from me, and my eyes darted towards him, who sat in the chair, no longer spinning his pen in his hand, staring at me with widened eyes. I had managed to dumbfound the great and powerful Four, and I wasn't even trying.

_Great. Now he thinks I'm even weirder._

"I- I gotta go," I sputtered, picking up my bag and running out of his bedroom. I didn't offer any explanation, no apology. Four called after me, but I just ran, focusing on getting the hell out of there so I could be alone and never return. I just wanted to be alone.

As turned the corner to reach the stairs, I rammed into something and toppled to the ground. I blinked once then twice, then looked up to see the boy I recognized as Will.

"Whoa- hey, need a hand?" he asked, easily regaining his composure. As un-rudely as possible, I scrambled back on my feet and continued running down the stairs, declining Will's offer. I quickly reach end the door, slammed it open and ran off of their property in a matter of seconds. And I didn't stop running, nor did I take the turn I was supposed to take to get back to my house. I ran and ran and ran, not knowing where I was going, nor caring where I was going, just wanting to run away from my own existence.

* * *

After what felt like hours, I finally stopped running at an intersection between two streets. My eye was too blurry from exhaustion to read their names, but one look at my surroundings and I knew I was lost.

When I could finally stand, I looked around. I was in front of a small pharmacy that ran twenty-four hours. A few meters along the sidewalk stood a telephone booth, which immediately brought a pang to my heart.

_Call him!_ one half of my brain screamed.

_No! Don't!_ the other half cried.

But, despite the half of my brain that was screaming 'no', I didn't have the willpower to resist making the phone call. I entered the both and inserted a few coins from my wallet.

The phone rang twice before picking up.

"Hello?"

I let out a shaky, relieved, overjoyed laugh. "Caleb."

"Wait- _Beatrice?_"

I didn't bother to correct him. I didn't care what he called me. It was him. It was _really him._

And suddenly making that phone call was the best decision I ever made.

Tears filled my eye and I nodded, before stupidly realizing that he couldn't see me. "Yeah. It's me."

"Beatrice!" he exclaimed, a smile in his voice. I laughed again at his enthusiasm. "Long time no see, huh?"

"Yeah," I said, playing with cord on the pay phone. "It's been a while."

"How are you holding up?" he asked, sounding more serious.

I bit my lip. "I've been better."

"I'm sorry," he said sympathetically. "If it makes you feel any better, I'll be home soon."

"Really?" I asked.

"Yep," he said. "I've got friends I want you to meet, too."

"Great," I said. I looked at the meter and saw that I was running out of time. I refrained from adding more money because I knew that 'one more' would mean 'going bankrupt'. "I need to go."

"Okay," he said, sounding disappointed. "Call me soon."

"I will," I said, but as the words rolled off my tongue, I knew they were lies. "Stay safe."

"You too," he said. "Love you."

"Love you," I whispered, and the line went dead.

I hooked up the phone to the receiver and leaned my back against the opposite wall of the phone booth, tears streaming down my face. The worst pain I have ever felt was after calling Caleb, which is why I called him on rarity. It was so hard not to call him, but it was worse to have to sit through the heartache at its full agony.

I slid down the wall and onto the floor, hiding my face in my knees, waiting for my sobs to subside. After what seemed like an eternity, I could finally breathe normally again and my sobs were reduced to trails of silent tears. Suddenly, there was a knock on the booth door that mare me jump out of my skin. I looked up through the glass and outwardly groaned when I saw who it was.

Uriah pointed to the doorknob, a signal for me to unlock the door. There was a bag from the pharmacy I passed in his left hand. As inclined as I was to keep him out and sit on the floor until he gave up and walked away, I stood up and unlocked the door. He slid it open before I could get the chance.

"What happened?" he asked, seriously concerned.

I rolled my eye, tears falling. "None of your business."

"But it is," he said.

"No, it's not," I snapped. "Just stay away from me, okay?"

Before he could protest any further, I pushed past him and stomped down the street, walking in the direction I thought was home.

"Other way!" Uriah called from the phone booth. I let out a shriek of annoyance and spun in the other direction.

_I hate him. I hate all of them._


	7. I'm Okay

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Divergent Trilogy.**

* * *

The next morning, I found a note from my mother on my bedside table.

_Went out, will be back later._

_~Mom _

I sighed and rolled out of bed. My limbs were still sore from all of the running I did the day before, but I silently cheered in relief that I had the entire day, and the entire house, to myself. I made a date with three bags of popcorn, my gigantic fluffy blankets, a basket of tissue packets (there weren't any tissue boxes left, so I had to improvise), the couch, and all of my favorite movies that Caleb bought me before he left. Once the popcorn was cooked, the movies were all gathered and I was wrapped up on the couch, I started my carefree, ideal Saturday.

It was heaven.

When I had just finished my third movie, started my second bag of popcorn and got halfway through my eighth packet of tissues, the telephone rang. I sighed, put my stuff down, paused the movie and reached across the couch to the house phone. I picked it up right before it went into voicemail.

"Hello?"

"Is this Tris?"

I sat up. "Uh... who's this?"

"It's Uriah."

The phone almost fell out of my hand.

I quickly recomposed myself and buried myself deeper into the blankets. "How did you get my number?"

It sounded like Uriah was about to answer when I heard a muffled voice in the background, a crackle and a cough. "That's for us to know and for you to never find out."

I was suddenly alarmed. "_What?_"

He laughed. "Oh my god, I'm just kidding."

I shifted uncomfortably. "So...?"

He stopped laughing. "So what?"

I frowned. "How did you get my number?"

"Oh. Yeah."

Silence.

I glared at the television, since I couldn't glare at him in person. I was in no mood to take shit. "Answer the question!"

"What question?"

I groaned. I was done with this conversation. "_Bye_ Uriah."

"Bye- Wait!"

I sighed. "_What?!_"

"Do you want to come to the mall with Marlene, Lynn and I?"

My eyebrows knitted together. "Why?"

"Well, Zeke and Shauna are out at the cinema, Will and Christina are doing god-knows-what in their room, Four is sulking in the corner and we're bored. Plus, you're new, and you seem nice, so we thought it'd be cool to hang out."

"Uh..." I said. I didn't know what to say. Uriah seemed nice and all, and Marlene seemed nice too, and Lynn... Well, she just seemed mad all the time. But, the point was, I just wanted to be alone. I still had an entire day to waste before I had to go back to that wretched place on Monday. "No thanks, Uriah."

"But, why?" he whined like a little kid.

"I'm busy," I said truthfully.

"Great! I'll pick you up in ten."

_Wait- what?!_

"I didn't say-"

"See you!"

"_You don't know where I live-_"

"Yes I do!"

"HOW-"

"Bye!"

"UR-"

The line went dead.

I pulled the phone away from my ear and stared at it for a moment, a small frown on my face.

Then I tossed the phone to the other end of the couch and fell against the pillows, groaning.

* * *

There was a knock on the front door.

Pulling a blanket around my shoulders, I padded out of the living room and towards the front door. I opened it and saw a smiling and waving Uriah, a sulking Lynn and a grinning Marlene.

I shut the door.

I had walked three steps away from the door when the doorbell rang. Taking a deep breath to console myself, I spun back towards the door and opened it so fast and hard, it banged against the closet and sent the coat hanger tumbling to the floor. They all looked slightly alarmed and I clenched my hands into fists, trying to calm myself down.

I put on a fake small smile. "Do you need something?"

Uriah smiled again. "Go get ready! We're leaving shortly."

I pinched the bridge of my nose. "Uriah," I said quietly. "I'm sorry, but I don't want to go. I've had a tough week."

He frowned. "Please?"

I looked into his eyes and saw he was sincere. Marlene was, too, and even Lynn looked at me pleadingly. Just a little bit.

I sighed. "Whatever."

Uriah grinned and clapped his hands. "Yay!"

_Oh dear._

* * *

"Here. Try this one."

I starred at the frilly pink dress and immediately shook my head. Marlene giggled and put it back on the rack. She filed through a few more dresses before pulling out a small, simple black dress that hung off the shoulders. Marlene raised an eyebrow and gave me that and-you-doubted-me-this-entire-time look.

"Fine," I muttered, snatching the dress from here hands before she said anything. I walked over to the dressing room and pulled on the dress. Then I turned to the mirror.

It was perfect.

The skirt was loose and went down to the top of my knees. The sleeves hugged the sides of my shoulders and my bare arms prickled with goosebumps. My hair fell over my shoulders and I tucked a stray lock behind my ear.

"Tris, come out! I wanna see," Marlene said through the door. I opened the door and stepped out, allowing her to see. Her eyes widened. "It's perfect."

I smiled shyly. I hadn't worn a dress in a long time, so I was very selfconcious. "You think so?"

"Totally," she said. Her eyes feel on my collarbone. "Where did you get that tattoo?"

I fingered the skin on my collarbone. The raven tattoo stood out a clear as day.

"Eight months ago," I said quietly, reminiscing at the memory.

"It's beautiful," she complimented. I thanked her and went back into the dressing room to take it off.

After I paid for the dress, I walked out of the store and looked around for Marlene. At first, I thought she ditched me, which left me crestfallen. _I just thought..._

"Tris!" a voice called. I spun around to see Marlene and Lynn standing in front of an ice cream store. The sadness welling up inside of me quickly dissipated. Get a hold of yourself, Tris. _  
_

I hurried over to them and Marlene thrust a vanilla ice cream cone into my hand. She had a strawberry ice cream cone in her hand and Lynn had a vanilla one. "Sorry, I didn't know what flavor you like."

"Vanilla's fine," I insisted, taking a lick. "Where's Uriah?"

"Still deciding," Lynn replied, a slight edge in her voice.

"Deciding what?" I asked, and as if on cue, Uriah walked out of the ice cream shop, licking a simple vanilla ice cream cone, elated. Five seconds later, a girl who couldn't have been older than twenty stormed out of the doors behind him, slamming her work apron down on the ground and screaming 'I quit!' before stomping off, curing under her breath.

"_That's_ what took you so long?" Lynn said, staring at the ice cream cone in Uriah's hand, clearly pissed. "You were in there for an _hour_."

Uriah frowned. "Excuse me, but I take my ice cream very seriously."

"Jeez," Marlene said, staring after the ex-employee of the ice cream parlor, who had just pushed a teenage girl out of the way, sending her tumbling to the ground in a clutter of paper bags and limbs. Marlene turned to Uriah accusingly. "What the heck did you do to her?"

"Like I said, I take my ice cream very seriously."

Lynn made a face. "But... seriously? Vanilla? I at least would think you'd pick chocolate."

Uriah took a lick from his treat and shrugged. "A last minute desire for normality came over me."

"Please," Marlene scoffed. "Normal's too mainstream." She pointedly took an exaggerated lick from her strawberry cone.

I just stood on the sidelines, watching this small theatrical scene unfold as I licked my ice cream. The three of them clearly had history together. They acted like they were brother and sister. Getting on each other's nerves seemed like a second nature.

Just like it was for Tobias and I...

"Yep," Uriah said, pulling me back into the conversation. He threw his arm around Marlene's shoulder. "And we're anything but normal." His eyes landed on me and he grinned. "All of us."

* * *

"Thanks again," I said, clutching the bags in my hand tighter. We were parked outside of my house, and my Mom's car was in the driveway, signaling that she had come home. "I really appreciate it. I had a lot of fun."

Uriah grinned. "Any time, Tris. I'll see you tomorrow."

I opened the car door and stepped out onto the sidewalk. I closed the door and Marlene rolled down the passenger window down, smiling and screaming "Bye!" as the car drove away. I waved to her and watched as the car drove off until it disappeared down the road.

For a moment, I just stood there, a smile spreading across my face as I remembered the past few hours of my life; Uriah's crazy blubbering, Marlene's bubbly laugh, Lynn's dry humor. They were a crazy bunch, those three. But, they let me live a part of their life, even if it was just for a day. I learned what it was like to be a real teenager, to have real friends, to feel carefree for once.

And for that, I will always be grateful.

I took a deep breath of the fresh air before walking up the pathway to my front door. I shuffled through my coat pocket for a moment before retrieving the house key and unlocking the door.

I stumbled into the house and quietly shut the door behind me. I was presented with my mom, relaxing on the couch, watching an old movie. She was dressed in an old T-shirt and flannel pants, and for the first time, she didn't look stressed out or worried. She greeted me with a smile and patted the spot next to her, gesturing for me to join her.

So I did.

And for the first time in a long time, I felt a little okay.


	8. Drip

**AN: 113 reviews, 59 favs, 99 follows.**

**_This is too much love for seven chapters and a tiny girl._**

**But in all seriousness, thank you. I really appreciate all your support.**

**I apologize that this update is so long overdue. But, you know, I'm fifteen, and fifteen-year-old girls have to do their fifteen-year-old girl things...**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Divergent Trilogy.**

* * *

A few weeks passed.

I wasn't sure if it was appropriate to call Marlene, Uriah and Lynn my friends. I mean, Marlene and Uriah talked to me like we had known each other for years, and Lynn wasn't as cold to me as she was before, but I still sat alone at lunch. Their real friends still bullied me. I still had too many secrets. And, at the end of the day, I was still alone.

But I wasn't sure if it was them using me or me pushing them away. So I wasn't just going to assume that they exactly _hated_ me.

Christina, though, hated me. _Really_ hated me. There was no denying it. As did Zeke, and Shauna, and most likely Four (who, by the way, acted undeniably creeped out by me when we tried to work on our English paper once again, so I just went home and finished the entire paper for the both of us). And then there was Will, who seemed nice enough, but didn't talk to me and let Christina bitch him, and me, around. At first, I thought that he was just another ass that she had wrapped around her little finger, but I soon realized that it was more than that. There was something that bound the two of them together in a way that almost forced Will to let Christina do whatever she wanted to whoever she wanted. Not because he was afraid to tell her off, but because he knew better.

Because he knew something that I didn't.

* * *

As I walked to school that morning, I could already tell it was going to be a bad day.

How did I know? It was pouring rain, my mom couldn't drive me to school and we didn't have any umbrellas.

By the time I reached the building, my hair was a wet mess, my clothes were pieces of useless, wrinkled crap, and only one thought ran through my head.

_Thank god I don't wear makeup anymore._

I trudged into the building, ignoring all the uninviting stares and snickers I got from the perfectly dry driver's-licensed/umbrella-using students. I walked to my locker, threw my books inside of it, grabbed my Biology books and slammed the door shut so forcefully my hand started throbbing with pain. But I didn't care.

When I slumped into my seat in Biology, Christina looked at me and let out a sound like she was trying not to laugh. I not-so-subtly ignored her and threw my notebook open, pretending to think that the notes were suddenly very intriguing.

"Damn," Christina murmured. "Who pissed on _your_ head this morning?"

_You, actually._

Math was pretty uneventful, except for the fact that we had a test, and no matter how hard I tried to concentrate, my mind couldn't process what the scramble of letters and numbers across my page meant. My hand seemed to do all the work, and at the end of the period I handed it in with my fingers crossed. I tried, and probably failed, but I was so beyond the point of caring that by the time Lunch came, I had forgotten about the test altogether.

When the end of Math came, I slowly walked to my locker, not caring if I walked in there late or not. It didn't matter; nobody supervised the cafeteria except for the sixty-year-old lunch ladies that spoke two percent English and ninety-eight percent Swedish (not that I had anything against Swedish people, just that everyone could barely understand them and they didn't give a crap about what any of the students did, as long as they paid for their meal).

I was in the cafeteria, trying to find an empty table to sit at. But once it became clear that every table was filled, I headed towards the bathrooms. So, I started rushing my way through the large cluster of students, eager to get away. I was almost all the way through when my head contacted with something extremely hard.

I fell.

I rubbed my forehead, and when I saw who was standing before me, I felt a small part of myself die.

"What the hell," Zeke growled. Four was standing beside him, holding a cup of ice coffee. "Again? Jesus."

"Sorry," I whimpered.

He smirked. He snatched the large cup of ice coffee from Four's hand, lifted it up-

And spilled the entire drink on top of my head.

Bystanders jumped out of the way to avoid getting splashed, while I just sat there, allowing him to dump every last drop of freezing coffee on me. Then he dropped the cup on my head and walked past me, leaving me on the ground. The corner of Four's lip twitched slightly before he stepped beside me and followed Zeke to their table. Everyone walked past me as if I didn't exist, but laughed when they were 'far enough away'. Some people even kicked me.

Finally, after a long time of just sitting, I shakily stood up and started walking towards the bathrooms. That was when everyone started laughing freely. My clothes were wet, sticky and rubbing against me uncomfortably, but it was nothing compared to the ache in my heart.

I pushed the bathroom door open and locked it behind me. This time, I didn't cry.

I walked over to the mirror and stared at myself. Chunks of ice had stuck to my clothes and fallen down my shirt. My hair was a wet, tangled mess. My skin felt sticky and freezing and my clothes were dripping all over the place. I started by pulling my hoodie off and dropped it in the sink bowl. All I had on underneath was a semi-drier tee shirt, which showed off all the scars on my arms. My skinny jeans didn't get too wet, so I didn't take them off, despite the fact that they were still uncomfortable.

I turned the faucet on hot water and ran it over my sweat shirt. I wrung it out as well as I could before drying it under the hand drier. When it was dry enough for my liking, I walked over to the sink and pulled the razor I kept in my sweatshirt pocket out.

My blood dripped into the porcelain sink, staining it red. All I could do was stand there and watch as I made myself bleed, as my blood dripped into the sink in a steady mantra, repeating over and over and over in my head, like it was mocking me.

_Drip. _

_Drip. _

_Drip._

* * *

I didn't cry.

* * *

"Warm up mile around the track!" Tori yelled. "Run on the whistle."

I was standing at my place in between Will and Zeke. Will stood there silent, bent over in the position to start running. He smiled at me once, but I looked away. Zeke was in the same position, but he kept throwing smug looks in my direction. I didn't care anymore. I didn't care about anyone anymore.

Tori blew her whistle, and we took off.

Four, as always, ran ahead of everyone, sprinting as fast as he could. I ran as fast as I could too, not caring about conserving my energy for the rest of the mile. I didn't care. I wanted to run, so I ran. I ran until I had passed Four and my limbs were shaking and my head was pounding and my lungs felt like they didn't exist and darkness clouded the edge of my vision and _I didn't care-_

And all I felt before I black out was an explosion in my brain.


	9. Something Worth Saying pt I

**AN: Sorry. ****SORRY. ****_SORRY_. ****_SORRY_.**

**_SORRYSORRYSORRYSORRYSORRYSORRYSORRYSORRYSORRYSORRYSORRY_-**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Divergent Trilogy.**

* * *

**Four POV**

She was running really fast.

I didn't try to keep up with her; that would have ended up with me pulling a muscle of some sort. Everyone else went at their own pace, too, but we all stared at Tris as she kept running and running like she was trying to run away from her own body. But then she started to slow down, and then she stumbled, fell and smashed her head against the pavement.

At first, everyone just stopped running.

But then we realized that she wasn't moving.

We ran towards her body. Uriah ran past me and dropped to his knees in front of her. We all stared.

She looked dead.

Tori hurriedly pushed everyone aside and looked at Tris. She grew pale. "I'm going to get the nurse. One of you call 911." Then she ran across the field towards the building.

That's when all hell broke loose.

Christina violently shoved Uriah out of the way and fell on her knees in front of Tris. Her eyes were wide and wild, like she was living her worst nightmare.

"Oh god, oh god, oh god oh god oh god, WAKE UP," Christina screamed shakily. She started to shake Tris by her shoulders, but Will pulled her away before she could damage Tris's head even further. Then she started screaming like someone murdered her family again.

I instantly knelt down in front of her. There was blood gushing from the side of her head and I took off my shirt and pressed it against the cut, careful not to move her head in any way. She looked peaceful with her eye closed like that. She didn't look stressed or scared or sad like she always did. She almost looked _happy_. And for a moment, I swore she looked just like...

Zeke was the one to pull out his phone and dial 911. He started out speaking calmly, but something seemed to snap and he started frantically screaming at the operator. Shauna took one look at the blood, pulled away from the group, ran towards the bushes and started vomiting. Lynn stood off to the side, her body unable to move and her eyes locked on Tris's body. Marlene was clearly trying to be the calm one, but she looked like she was about to break down.

Tori and the nurse finally came. By this point my shirt was becoming quite damp, and my hands were sticky, wet and red. The nurse roughly told me to move and I sat back. I tried to stand up, but my legs felt like jelly. I merely just sat to the side and watched as the nurse pulled open the first aid kit and attempted to stop the bleeding.

The nurse had just started to carefully bandage the gash when we heard the sirens. The ambulance rushed into the parking lot and Christina started crying even harder. The paramedics told everyone to stand back as they strapped Tris onto the stretcher and they rushed her to the ambulance. Then the ambulance rushed off, and we just stood there, still panicking.

"Practice is cancelled," Tori told me tiredly, since I was the only one who looked mentally stable. "Why don't you round them all up and take them home?"

"Yeah," I said. "Yeah, okay."

* * *

Somehow, some way, I was able to gently usher everyone into Christina's car. There was only room for seven people and not eight, but Christina didn't have a problem laying across Will, Marlene and Uriah's laps while Will ran a hand through her hair. I sat in the driver's seat and was about yo wrap my hands around the wheel when I realized how disgusting my hands really were. Lynn wordlessly sat in the seat next to me and handed me a paper towel to dry my hands.

I took it.

When we arrived at the house, Shauna rushed out first and retched in the bushes. Everyone else stumbled out of the car, Will keeping a firm grip on Christina. We all walked into the house and everyone broke off in separate directions to go their rooms while I walked into the kitchen and washed my hands.

I didn't know Tris well. The only time I talked to her was for that project, and when I asked her one question she flipped out and ran home. And her face- her _face_...

All of my friends, they've all had terrible pasts. Including me. And we all have scars. We _know_ we all have scars.

_So why do they judge a girl who has scars just like theirs?_

* * *

**Tris POV**

_It was the middle of the night. The little girl was four years old, asleep in bed. But her sleep was soon disrupted to footsteps in the hall._

_She kicked her covers off, rubbed the sleep from her eyes and proceeded to the door. When she opened the door, she saw mother facing the front door, a bag in her hands. But all she was doing was standing there, as if she was waiting for someone to push her out the door._

_"Mama?" she asked, clutching her stuffed bear tighter. "Where you goin'?"_

_Her mother's head snapped towards her and the little girl watched as her mother's face fell. "I-I'm leaving, baby."_

_The girl was confused. "Why?"_

_"Because I have to," her mother responded quietly._

_"Can I come?" she asked._

_Her mother drew in a breath. "No. No, you can't."_

* * *

_BEEP. BEEP. BEEP._

When I woke up, it took a minute for my vision to adjust to blinding, fluorescent lights that buzzed in the ceiling. Once it did, I tried to sit up, but an imaginary building fell on my head and forced me back down.

I was in a bed with white sheets and was wearing a thin, plain hospital gown. There was an IV in my arm (which was making the beeping noise) and a thick bandage was wrapped around my head underneath my hair. It was clear that I was in a hospital, but how I got there was a mystery to me.

All of a sudden, the door was thrown open and slammed against the wall.

"TRIS!" screamed Uriah.

I opened my mouth and tried to say something, but all that came out was a painful cough.

"You look terrible," he commented, sitting down in the next to the bed.

_Thank you, Uriah. Really._

"What happened?" I managed to croak out.

"We were at practice, and you just, like, passed out, and everybody flipped their pancakes to hell and back."

_What?_

"You have a really bad concussion, but the doctor says he's seen worse." Uriah paused. "I'm not sure if that makes anything better, though."

I sighed and rolled my eyes. "If you want to help, you can get me some water."

"All I have is a half-drunken bottle of cherry Pepsi that has been sitting in Christina's car for three weeks."

I glared at him.

He threw his hands up defensively. "Don't look at me like that! It makes me uncomfortable."

"Uriah? Are you talking to yourself again? Because I swear to god-" Marlene jolted to a stop as she walked towards the room a let a squeak out of her mouth. "You're awake!"

"Ha!" Uriah said, standing and pointing a finger at Marlene. "See?! I'm NOT CRAZY!"

Marlene just shook her head. Uriah frowned and stomped out of the room, muttering something about getting water. Marlene walked over to the side of the bed before sitting down on it and staring at me. "How are you feeling?"

"I've been better," I rasped.

"You really scared us," she said. "The doctor says you're extremely underweight, which is what caused you to pass out. You'll be on meds for a long time."

"I'm sorry," I said weakly.

"Everyone was freaking out like crazy," she continued. "You lost a lot of blood." She paused. "They feel terrible about ever bullying you. It's already haunting them."

_You don't think it's haunting ME?_

Marlene's eyes trailed down to my arms. Her eyes widened and she softly grabbed one of my arms and starred at the many angry scars that littered my wrist. I quickly snatched it back and cradled it to my chest, my heart pounding.

She saw.

She _saw._

"Oh, Tris..." whispered Marlene.

"Don't tell anyone," I squeaked meekly.

Marlene didn't say anything. She only rolled up her sleeve-

Revealing an arm covered in gashes deeper than any scar I had. Scars deep enough for her to bleed to death.

"Don't hurt yourself anymore," was all she said before pulling her sleeve down, standing, walking out the door and shutting it behind her.


End file.
